merry… i mean, happy holidays

There’s a rumor going around that we can’t say Merry Christmas. I suppose the most obvious thing to do would be to confirm whether that’s true or not. And what if it isn’t? Will that stop me? Not really. Of course, I don’t plan on saying that anyway. 🙂 I just don’t like to say it. Yes, call me a humbug if you must. (Now that’s a word I like to say.)

So this past weekend, we decorated the house for the holidays for the first time in… well… let’s say double digits. I can’t remember the last time the house smelled like pine (authentic tree!) or had lights, or mistletoe, or wreaths, or a Nativity! But we do now. I’m even staring at my Santa hat as I write this. Everything’s come out of storage this season. And it feels strangely good. (Strange, if you know me at all. Not so strange for regular people.)

I’ve been sidelined most of the week with a bad back. (Yes, I know I should see the doctor.) It’s improved the last few days, thanks to Icy/Hot, Aleve, and a big pillow. But before that, sitting and walking and standing were uncomfortable. I didn’t think much about writing. But I am writing. Which… leads to my big problem.

I know the wisdom as well as anyone. The more you poke at your story, the more it’ll unravel like a knitted sweater. And yes, a story is never “done.” I’ve heard it all. Hell, I believe it. And yet… I’m poking at my story. I’m examining what many have called flaws in the past, and I’m taking the time to consider agreeing with them. What would my story look like if I accepted that what they’ve said is true? It would look… different. So. That’s what I’ve been doing the last couple weeks. Taking that path less traveled, that what-if road. It’s okay. But I wonder if it’s really for the best. I still look back on what I “finished” and I still believe in it. Am I wasting my time? I’m not sure, because I’m super curious about what this new result will be. I’ve done the hard part–I’ve outlined the changes. It seems to work well. But it’ll take a little time.

I hope it’s not just some sort of subconscious effort to delay.

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