now what?

So I made it a point to refrain from editing anything I wrote in NaNo. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to my writing. When I’m actually in the moment, I don’t think it messes too much with my rhythm or output. Obviously it has some impact on my words-per-minute, but overall I don’t think it matters much. Regardless, I kept my finger off the Backspace and Delete buttons as much as I could.

Currently, my mother’s reading it. Which is a hell of a job, considering that I wrote things out of order. I skipped entire chapters. So yeah, she’s a bit confused in some parts. But she says it’s my best writing. And yeah, I know what you’re thinking. “Duh, she’s your mom. She has to say that.” True. But she takes it one step further and says it’s better than my last book.

I disagree. I mean… my last book. Well, it’s leaner. I feel like I produced a lot of purple prose during NaNo in my quest for maximum wordage. Apparently, she thinks the purple prose is the best stuff. I’m not sure how to take that, except that I’m still convinced what I wrote is “fat”. It needs a lot of trimming. But I was aware of it as I wrote it, not just of my runaway loquacity but also the content. I knew what I was writing about, and I was okay with it. The internal stuff flowed better and faster than the external stuff.

Has my writing changed? I know it’s been influenced by my favorite author. Steven Erikson has produced a remarkable series, and he’s written characters and story arcs in a very particular way. I took it to heart as a reader and a writer. My last book (really my first and only book) came out very different from anything else I’ve written. This current effort seemed to go even farther down that path. Maybe my style has changed. Is that a bad thing? I guess not, as long as someone wants to read it.

Because I’m not writing for me anymore. I’m not writing for… just my own edification. I’m writing to produce content that people want to read, while still staying true to my own vision and voice, of course.

I’ve been putting off some very important, essential steps in my goal to get that first (and only) book published. I told myself to take November off and work on something new. And I did. Mission accomplished. So obviously… obviously, I need to return to the first project. I need to finish it. Right? Right.

And yet. I really want to take a break. As I said, this past NaNo was brutal. I started to hate writing. I got sick of it. I’m still sorta sick of it. So what should I do? It’s been months now since I first tried to tackle the synopsis for my book. It’s still going nowhere. But I’m sooo tired.

So. What do I do now?

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