Sorry for the suggestive title. 🙂
I meant to post something last week. I had something I really wanted to share, but… life. Which, I guess, leads to what I’d like to share today.
We make bad decisions sometimes. I make bad decisions a lot. And when it comes to relationships, I seem to make nothing but bad decisions. I’m just coming out of one of those bad-decision-relationships. It’s weighed heavily on me for almost two months, and every day just added to the burden. It didn’t help that I put off rectifying that bad decision. And it really didn’t help when–after finally fixing things–I went ahead and made the same bad decision that started the whole affair. Twice.
I admit, it’s a little odd for someone who keeps a blog to identify as a private person. But I am pretty private. I don’t share much, I definitely don’t talk much. I don’t engage in gossip, and I do my best to avoid becoming the center of attention. All that to say I chose to share my unfortunate relationship experience with friends and co-workers, though the transparency was more to cover my ass if things exploded like, say, at my workplace. (Yeah, things got pretty icky.)
Obviously, telling that many people your personal laundry opens the door to a cornucopia of opinions. My favorite (really my least favorite) came from a friend: “It’s okay to be alone. You don’t need to be with someone.” To her, I say thanks and thanks to everyone else who would like to dish out that little tried-and-true nugget of wisdom. (Do you sense some sarcasm? My apologies, but that one really gets me.) Also, I’ve been “alone” since 2006, and I’ve been okay for seven out of those eight years. This year, I felt like I was ready–more than ready–to spend some time with someone. And that’s okay, too.
But I didn’t quite think things through. Not only am I the quiet, private guy, I’m also the mildly anti-social one. If I’m going to spend time with someone, it better be someone I can get along and someone who understands the unique challenge that is me. 🙂 Alas, this was not that someone. I wanted her to be, though, which is what led to repetitive bad decision-making.
Piece of advice, folks, though none of you asked for it. 🙂 Don’t settle, not for the first person that comes along, not for the pretty face, not even for the great personality. The odds are against you if you settle, and you should expect no pity when/if it goes awry.
The stress of things pretty much disabled me from pursuing my other goals. Writing, catching up with friends, clearing my DVR (though I did manage to keep up with a select few shows), all of it fell by the wayside because I was so consumed by this relationship–first in a good way (the excitement of something new!), then in a bad way (the struggle to end it). Does she read this blog? A good question. I don’t know. She is aware of it, though I seriously doubt she ever really looked at it. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I wanted to get this off my chest the best way I know how. By writing about it.
And not a moment too soon! NaNo is coming, and I plan to be part of it once again.